


Always you

by schofieldelicate



Category: 1917 (Movie 2019), blakefield - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, But it’s still very cute bc they are deeply in love, Fluff, Idiots in Love, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, blakefield is still canon of course, kinda angst, more realistic take and less fairy tale i guess, ok there is infidelity but, this is me accepting that shawn mendes said that scho had a wife
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:07:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24097807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/schofieldelicate/pseuds/schofieldelicate
Summary: Loving Tom was a losing game. But William couldn't stop, not matter how hard he tried.
Relationships: Tom Blake & William Schofield, Tom Blake/William Schofield, William Schofield/William Schofield's Wife
Comments: 15
Kudos: 36





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I usually always pretend that the pictures are his sister and nieces, but the script says differently so I am going to write this accepting this little piece of information, also will's wife is a nice woman in this and so is Will but war just changes you and we are going to explore that theme together
> 
> i'm not gonna make schofield's wife's life terrible or anything. This is just a more realistic take at how life actually was after the war for Scho
> 
> title is very generic as always I am sorry 
> 
> also the first chapter is more of an introduction, it'll get juicy later

_His lips brushing his own ever so lightly. His hand on his back, soft moans escaping his beautiful lips._

_“Will.”_

_The way he used to say his name. With so much love and serenity, as if he knew that they belonged together._

“Will.”

William Schofield got out of his trance, nearly dropping his cup of tea on the floor, turning around. Rose was standing in front of him, a worried frown on her gentle face.

“I am going to bed and I think you should too”, she spoke softly, nodding to herself.

“I’ll be there in a moment”, William replied after a moment, giving her a weak smile. Then he turned back around, staring out the window again. It was a cold and rainy night.

William Schofield knew that what he had done made him a terrible person. Rose deserved better, Tom deserved better. Hell, everyone did. He was married, after all, married to a wonderful, kind lady from a well respected family. They had two adorable daughters, living in a beautiful mansion just outside of London.

But then the war came, destroying a whole generation, demolishing entire countries, wrecking and poisoning even the purest souls.

Will’s soul wasn’t an exception, but Tom’s was. Tom Blake was the kindest, purest person to ever walk this earth, William was sure of that. Every action Tom took was motivated by love, even in the hands of the enemy. He saw the world with such simplicity, saw everyone as good and deserving of redemption.

William hadn’t meant for it to happen. He never saw himself as capable of such actions. But he couldn’t help himself. After months - even years - in the dirt surrounded by death, sickness, and pain, Tom’s mere presence seemed like a miracle. His voice, so clear and young, reminded him of the symphonies he used to listen to on the radio. His hands were as soft as the cashmere shirts he used to wear. And his eyes - William could see everything in them.

So when Tom got on his tiptoes and kissed him for the first time, William forgot everything. He forgot where he was from, neglected the weight of his wedding ring in his pocket, let himself shut out the war. The only thing that counted were Tom’s plump lips pressing loving kisses on his lips.

After that, everything became a blur. William didn’t go home anymore when he received leave, rather spending the time in abandoned, french towns with Blake, decorating his skin with hickeys and hearing him gently moan his name. William Schofield knew it was wrong - he had said vows and meant them - but how could it be wrong when he had Tom laying below him, his lips parted, his cheeks flushed and his eyes glazed, filled with lust and love?

It couldn’t be. That’s what William told himself every day while Tom was laying in his arms, scrunching his nose in an adorable matter while telling him stories that made no sense.

But then, April the 6th came and Tom got stabbed for trying to help a German soldier. He got stabbed because of his way too big heart and bled out in William’s arms.

Just thinking about it made William shudder and he could feel the tears prickling in his eyes, quickly setting down the cup on the table.

Tom was gone, the war was over and this was his life now; by the side of his beautiful wife and their two fantastic daughters.

William turned off the light and joined his wife in their bedroom.

***  
It wasn’t as simple as that. Yes, the war was over and Tom was gone, but in his head, both were very much alive. He could feel the dirt on his fingers, hear the bombs exploding, taste the blood on his tongue. The war followed him every step he took and there was no way of shacking it off.

But even more impossible was it to shake off his memories and love for Tom Blake. He knew it wasn’t proper and that he would go to hell for it, but Schofield was sure that he had been in love with Tom; more than with anyone else in his entire life.

Sighing, Will rolled out of bed, rubbing his eyes. His wife was long gone, probably bringing their children to school. While walking to the kitchen, Schofield couldn’t help but wonder how she did it. She took care of everything and managed to worry about him at the same time. She was an angel.

William grabbed his favorite mug, filling it with hot coffee and sat down on a chair, staring at the wall. He had nothing to do - Will didn’t have a job anymore. Luckily, his wife and himself came from wealthy families, so it was not a big problem.

“I got the mail on the way back”, Rose said as she entered the house. William immediately sat up straight, looking at her with tired eyes.

“That’s wonderful, thank you”, he answered softly, accepting the letters and putting them on the table. Rose just nodded, sitting down opposite of William. Slowly, William decided to sort the letters as he did every week. A pile for Rose, one for him, and one for all the bills.

“Listen, Will”, she said gently and Schofield nodded, putting a letter on the “bills” pile.

“I think you should talk to someone. Someone who isn’t me. You aren’t yourself and that is completely okay - it’s just - you barely sleep, Will, you don’t work, you don’t talk, you’re always far away in your memories and… I just think talking to someone would help”, she stated and Will quickly shaking his head.

“I’m fine, Rose”, he spoke, throwing a letter on her pile.

“I know someone in the city. He would love to help you…”, Rose went on, but William wasn’t listening anymore. Instead, he was staring at the letter in his hand. It was a beige envelope and his name had been written down on it in a very messy, boyish manner.

William knew that handwriting. Inside out. He had commented about how childish it was and earned a little slap on his arm in return.

“I-I have to go”, William stuttered, pressing the card again his chest, slowly getting up. His knees felt like pudding and Schofield looked at the floor, not wanting to see his wife’s expression. His head was pounding and his view was blurry - this couldn’t be real. Without another look, William ran to the door and out of their house. He jogged to the closest prairie, clumsily sitting down on a bench under a big, white oak tree.

Breathing heavily, William ripped the letter open, taking out an eggshell colored piece of parchment.

_Dear Scho,_

_I hope this letter finds you well and that I didn’t give you a heart attack. As you can tell by this letter in my beautiful handwriting, I actually did survive the stabbing wound! I know, it’s crazy! Some medics found me right after you left and nursed me back to health._  
_I am sorry it took me this long to reach out to you. Truth be told, it was harder than expected to find your address. But Joe, who’s now a major (he made sure that I told you that) somehow managed to find your address._  
_I miss you, Scho, so much. Everything reminds me of you and I think you should visit me._  
_I miss your posh, rich people accent and I have so many new stories to tell you._

_Tom_

William couldn’t help but smile, slowly tracing Tom’s handwriting. Tom was alive and well. Will could feel tears prickling in his eyes again, and he didn’t hold them back this time.

Tom Blake was still breathing, his laugh still lightening up the world, his soft smile still making people forget about all the bad around them.

He had to visit him. He had to visit him this week, as soon as possible. William needed to see him in flesh to truly believe that he was alive. Immediately, Schofield got up, neatly folding the letter with Tom’s address and putting it in his pocket.

He had some packing to do.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> William visits Blake, but it's a bit of a chaotic reunion if i'm being honest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am really not happy with the firs few paragraphs but i dont know how to fix them so i'm sorry! I hope you guys like it anyways <3

He won’t do anything. He’ll walk up to Tom, maybe give him a quick hug and press his fingers around his wrist to check his pulse and make sure he was actually alive. And then he would let go and forget about Tom.

That was William Schofield’s plan when he got out of the train, a small suitcase by his side. He was eager to see Tom again, but at the same time, he wasn’t planing on doing anything about it. Rose deserved better and the fact that he was already a cheating bastard was enough and there was no need to repeat it. William had decided to blame his pasts actions on the war and was convinced that the times had changed. William could try to be a better person now.

Finding his way to Tom’s house, William was in awe. It was a beautiful, little village and just walking through the empty streets made Schofield feel calm inside. There were a lot of trees and bushes, giving the village a lush green aura.

After asking a couple of strangers for directions, Will finally found his way to a beautiful, little cottage. It was made out of beige Stones and had a beautiful porch. Nervously, Will walked to the door. Tom had wanted him to visit, but he did show up without warning him, and Will hoped that he wouldn’t scare Tom too much.

Quickly, Schofield placed his suitcase on the floor, running his hand through his hair to look more representable. He knew he shouldn’t care about the way he looked, but it was still Tom and no matter how hard he tried, cutting him out of his life was near impossible.

Slowly, Schofield raised his hand and knocked on the door. A part of him hoped Tom’s mom would answer, but luck was not on his side as the door was opened and William was forced to look at that oh so familiar face.

William just stared at Tom, not being able to do anything. He looked absolutely gorgeous, even better than he had in the war. His hair was longer than Will had ever seen it, a beautiful curl covering his forehead and his eyes were sparkling and looking more alive than they did in the whole war.

“Scho?”, Tom screamed after a couple of seconds, running toward him and wrapping his arms around him. Quickly, Will hugged him back, leaning his head on top of Tom’s and breathing in Tom. He still smelled like cherries and what Will would describe as a sunny day in August.

Without another question, Tom cupped his face, bringing his face closer to Will’s. But before anything could happen, Will quickly stepped back, giving the heartbroken boy a sorry smile.

“It’s nice to see you, Tom”, he whispered and Tom gulped, nodding lightly.

“Same goes for you. I missed you”, he answered softly, stepping closer to William. Will wanted nothing else but press Tom against the wall and kiss him deeply, but he couldn’t do that to Rose. He had already hurt her enough. Hence, Will took another step back.

“Please, come in”, Tom said unsurely and William nodded, quickly entering the house. Like the outside, the inside of the house was warm and welcoming. There were bouquets of sunflowers on every table and golden light was shining beautifully on them.

“So, I assume you got my letter?”, Tom asked awkwardly, motioning Will to sit down on the couch.

“Yes, I couldn’t believe it. Tom... you, you were supposed to be dead”, he spoke, losing his voice. William looked up to Tom and couldn’t look away, no matter how hard he tried to. Tom was glowing, looking like an angel gracing the world with his presence. He wanted to crawl into bed with him, hold him tight, and never let go.

Tom gave him a soft smile, moving closer to him. Without warning Schofield, he took his hands in his.

“The thought of seeing you again is what kept me going”, he replied quietly and Will quickly pulled his hands out of Tom’s, looking away. He understood what Blake meant, he felt the same way, but he just couldn’t. Talking like this might have been acceptable during the war, but this was real life. They were back in the United Kingdom and men weren’t supposed to say things like this to each other.

“Tom, I can’t”, he replied, waving his hand in front of his face, looking at the floor.

“Will”, Tom replied, but this time his voice wasn’t gentle and Will raised his gaze, looking at Tom, who was staring at his hand.

“What?”, he replied confused and Tom pointed at his hand, his voice trembling.

“Scho, are you married?”

“Yes, wha-“

“You are married and you never felt the need to tell me?”, Blake now screamed, moving away from Will. His eyes were open wide and he was looking at him with utter disgust.

“I told you I have two daughters-“ Schofield started, but Blake just raised his hand, immediately shutting him up.

“I thought you were divorced! Oh my God, William, you can’t just do that!”, Tom screamed, walking away and looking out of the window.

“I thought it was obvious, Tom. Everyone knew-“, William quickly responded, getting up and walking towards Tom, who was pressing his hand against his forehead. His face was pale as if William’s marital status had sucked all life out of him.

“Tom-“

“Don’t”, Blake quickly interrupted him, shaking his head. Will couldn’t help just but just look at Tom, feeling more pain than a man should be able to feel. Of course, Blake didn’t know. He was so innocent, and had such a big heart - he would have never kissed Will if he knew. He wasn’t capable of such horrid actions, unlike Will.

After a long moment, Tom looked at him and his heart sank. He wanted to pull the boy close, kiss him passionately, and tell him that all he ever wanted was him, but he couldn’t. William just stood there, looking at his little suitcase.

This had been a very short trip.

“I’m sorry”, William whispered as he turned around, walking to his suitcase, picking it up. He could feel the tears in his eyes, quickly shaking them away. He should not have come and kept Tom as a beautiful memory in his head.

Just as he was about to leave the room, a small woman with a big basket filled with cherries under her arm, walked into the room. She quickly looked from Blake to Schofield, giving him that warm and charming smile that Tom used to give him.

“Who is that, sweetheart?”, she asked, setting the basket on the floor and walking towards William. Tom quickly scratched his neck, clearing his throat.

“That’s William Schofield”, Tom answered and the women smiled even brighter.

“William! Goodness, I have heard so much about you!”, she exclaimed, wrapping her arms around Will’s slim figure and giving him a warm hug.

“You saved my son’s life and I am eternally grateful to you. Thank you”, she spoke softly and William awkwardly patted her back.

“Oh, please. Your son saved mine”, he replied as she took a step back, a fond expression on her face.

“I’m Margaret, by the way, and you’re staying for dinner”, she decided, turning around and picking up the basket.

“Such a polite, young man”, she said under her breath as she left the room. Not knowing what to do with his hands, William carded his fingers through his hair, looking at Tom. He hadn’t moved and was still staring out of the window, an unreadable expression on his face.

Tentatively, Will took a couple of steps in his directions and lightly placed his hand on his shoulder, barely touching him.

“Listen, Tom, I am so sorry. I know what I did was wrong and terrible but I-“, Will took an exasperated breath, “you were like water in the desert. You were irresistible.” Tom chuckled dryly and turned around to face William.

“Well, I’m glad I could help you quench your thirst”, Tom spoke, picking up Will’s suitcase and walking up the tiny stairs. Will wanted to punch his head against the wall; this was not what he meant. Yes, Tom was like water; he was the reason for life in the war and he kept Will alive. Nevertheless, he didn’t just _quench his thirst _, he made him feel joy, love, and made all the numbness disappear. He was to Will what Ambrosia was to the Greek gods.__

__“I didn’t mean it like that!”, Will replied after a moment, but Tom just sighed, waving Will to him._ _

__“Just fucking follow me, please? There is no train after six so you have to stay here for the night.”_ _

__***_ _

__Dinner was better than William expected, especially because Margaret kept asking him thousands of questions. She asked about his job (Will said he was still searching for the right one), his education (Will explained that he had a bachelor in Literature), family (Will showed her a picture of his girls), and much more. She was an incredibly kind woman and Schofield knew that Tom had inherited most of her personality._ _

__“This is delicious, Margaret. I wish I cook bake this well”, Schofield said after Margaret handed her a rather big slice of pie, giggling lightly._ _

__“If you want I can teach you. My boy is too lazy to learn my recipes”, she replied, patting lovingly the crown of Tom’s head. Blake just rolled his eyes, taking a bite of his slice._ _

__“That’s a lie. You just don’t trust me with the stove and oven”, he laughed and she sat down, nodding._ _

__“He nearly burnt down our kitchen last month so I prefer to take care of our meals”, she laughed and William joined her, feeling warm inside. Although Tom was still giving William as semi-cold shoulder, William felt weirdly at home, much more than in his actual house. Everything here was so warm and friendly and Will felt like he could breathe easier._ _

__Taking another spoon of his pie, William could imagine himself living in this cottage by Tom’s side. Making pies together, laughing when something went wrong -_ _

__“Well, it’s getting late. We should probably head to bed. Will has an early train to catch”, Tom said, folding his napkin neatly and placing it on the table. _I don’t, I can stay, _Will wanted to yell, but it was obvious that Tom wanted him out of the house as soon as possible. And Willian had to respect his decisions, it was all his fault, after all.___ _

____“Exactly. But thank you so much, this was an incredible meal. I haven’t eaten anything this good in ages!”, he thanked Tom’s mom, picking up the plates._ _ _ _

____“Oh, don’t worry about cleaning this mess up! Go have fun with Tom, I am sure you have a lot to tell each other!”, she immediately observed, taking the plates out of Will’s hands._ _ _ _

____“Thank you”, he stuttered politely, quietly following Tom up to his room._ _ _ _

____“You can sleep on the bed, I’ll sleep on the floor”, Tom spoke as soon as they entered the room, pointing to his bed. It was a rather big bed and Will rolled his eyes._ _ _ _

____“Don’t be silly, Tom. I’ll sleep on the floor”, he answered, crutching down next to his suitcase and fishing out a white shirt._ _ _ _

____“You’re the guest”, Tom insisted and Will sighed, picking up his shirt. After brushing his teeth and changing clothes in the bathroom, Will went back to Tom’s room. The younger boy was already curled up in a blanket on the floor, a little frown on his beautiful face. Schofield carefully stepped over him, getting into the bed._ _ _ _

____“Goodnight”, Tom muttered after a moment of silence, filling the room with an uncomfortable silence. Will could see that Tom’s eyes were wide open, starring into the darkness._ _ _ _

____“Tom”, he spoke softly, tapping the mattress._ _ _ _

____“Tom, please. There is enough space for both of us”, he whispered, but Tom didn’t react, still staring at the empty void in front of him._ _ _ _

____“Come on, Tom, you’re going to hurt your back”, Will added desperately, earning a little grumble for the brown haired boy. Without a word, Tom got up and slipped into the bed, as far from Will as possible. He was laying on his back, starring frantically at the ceiling. Every cell in Will’s body wanted to touch Tom so terribly badly, he nearly felt sick. Sick of the lack of contact and Tom was the only person that could heal him._ _ _ _

____“Tom”, he pleated, but the boy was still looking away, closing his eyes. William felt like he was about to throw up. He needed to see Tom’s loving gaze, feel is soft, delicate hands wander over his body._ _ _ _

____“Tom, please look at me”, William asked, turning on his side. And slowly, Tom did turn to him and it was as if a barrier broke. Tears filled Tom’s beautiful, blue eyes and he crawled toward William, wrapping his arms around him, leaning his head against Will’s chest. And if heaven was a feeling, William was sure that it could never feel better than that._ _ _ _

____Quickly he wrapped his arms around Tom tightly, feeling the rhythmical beating of Tom’s heart against his skin. It was so strong and alive, and William was sure that it was the most beautiful sound he had ever heard._ _ _ _

____Tom nuzzled his nose into the crook of his neck, his warm hands finding their way under Will’s shirt, staying on Will’s chest._ _ _ _

____Neither of them said a word. There was nothing to be said because they both understood. The way Tom’s breathing slowed down, how his muscles relaxed, his pouty lips forming a soft smile… They would worry about the world tomorrow. Tonight, all Will needed was the marvelous, endearing boy in his arms._ _ _ _


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom and Will spend the day together and realized what a sad world we live in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look who's updating way too often and not studying? ME
> 
> also, the ending made me quite emotional so I hope you enjoy it! Don't forget to leave a kudos or a comment if you feel like it!

“I don’t want you to go.”

The sun was shining brightly into Tom’s room, filling the room with a golden haze. Tom’s flawless skin was glowing in the light and Will tentatively raised his hands, touching Tom’s full cheeks lovingly.

“Then I won’t leave”, he replied softly, brushing his long fingers over his full lips. Tom smiled adoringly, a hazy look in his eyes and he wrapped his arm around Will’s neck, pulling himself closer. It was a cold winter day and like back in France, Tom would always heat Will up. The younger boy was always so warm, just like his personality.

Schofield closed his eyes again, letting himself bask back into a light sleep. Feeling Tom’s weight on him was reassuring, it felt so familiar and good. Will was sure that the world had intended him to have Tom in his arms, adorably crunching his nose in his slumber.

A couple of minutes, hours later - Will had lost all sense of time - Tom booped his nose, giving him a loving smile.

“We should probably wake up”, he spoke, his voice still groggy and Will cupped his face, looking at him as if he hung the moon and the stars. After thinking about it for a moment, Will realized that Tom didn’t just hang the moon and the stars - he was the moon, the stars, the sun. Hell, Tom was his whole universe, sucking him in and marking his whole world as his.

Slowly, Will leaned forward, pressing a delicate kiss on his forehead, his fingers carding through his silky hair.

“I know…”, he replied but made absolutely no sign of getting up, just staring at Tom’s beautiful face between his hands.

Yes, Tom was most definitely his whole universe.

“Come on, my mom is probably wondering where we are”, he giggled and got out of Will’s tight embrace, making Will immediately feel cold and empty. Schofield let out an indefinable sound, but slipped out of the bed, walking to his suitcase.

Carefully, Will took out a pale blue shirt that made his eyes look bluer, and when Tom wasn’t looking, Will quickly took off his wedding ring. He didn’t need that weight on himself, not today.

Then he picked up a new pair of socks. Tom walked past him, quickly brushing his hand over his hair, giving him a soft smile.

“I’ll be in the kitchen”, he said and walked out, leaving Will feeling drunk from his loving touches. How great would life be if he could wake up next to his love every day? Tom speaking about going to their kitchen in their own little cottage?

With a loud sigh, Will closed his suitcase. The world wasn’t ready to accept their love.

As soon as Will walked into the kitchen, Margaret greeted Schofield with a warm smile.

„I am so glad you decided to stay! Joe is coming to dinner tonight and he’d love to see you again”, she spoke, handing him a cup of tea. Tom immediately poured in some milk; just the amount Will liked.

“Thank you. It’s so kind of you to let me stay”, he replied, looking at Tom slightly confused. He probably had already told her that Will was staying.

“Don’t mention it! I have heard so much about you; you were Tom’s dearest friend in France”, she answered and Will felt his heart skip a beat at the thought of Tom talking about him all the time.

“You really were my best friend”, Tom replied and winked at him, a cheeky grin on his lips. William nearly choked on his tea, quickly placing the cup on the table. Tom giggled lightly and walked up to his mom, pressing a kiss on her cheek.

“I’m going to show Will our orchard and city today”, he explained and Will raised his brows. London was a city. This little village with a population of 500 people definitely wasn’t.

“That sounds like a good idea. But don’t forget to wear a coat!”, she replied sternly, but Tom seemed to be barely listening, just answering with a loud “Yeah, yeah!” and walking out the door.

“Thank you”, Will said quickly, following Tom. Schofield picked up his hat and coat, following Tom behind who was only wearing a cream colored sweater, waiting outside for him.

“You’re sure you don’t want your jacket?”, Will asked with raised eyebrows and Tom just rolled his eyes, grabbing his wrist.

“Yes! Now follow me”, he answered impatiently, walking through the garden to get behind their house. There was a cold breeze and Will was already sure, that Tom would be cold in a minute.

“Our orchard!”, he yelled as soon as he spotted the first tree, frantically running towards it, making Will laugh loudly.

“You see, these are cherry trees, and that’s an apple tree”, Tom explained, pointing at different trees while talking. He seemed very excited and happily walked to a smaller tree.

“And that’s a plump tree. We planted it last May”, he spoke, shivering lightly.

“It’s beautiful”, Will spoke, walking towards Tom. He was sure that the place looked fantastic in the summer when the sun shone goldenly and the cherries were of a deep red color.

“It is. When I didn’t feel good in France… I would imagine myself here”, Tom explained softly, giving Will a sad smile. Schofield quickly took a step forward, taking Tom’s hand in his and rubbing them warm.

“Or you just bothered me”, he joked fondly and Blake giggled, nodding in agreement.

“That’s true”, he chuckled, and then his expression became more serious, looking at Will deeply with his ocean blue eyes.

“I don’t think I would have made it home without you”, Tom whispered after a moment, his voice small and sincere.

“Tom, of course you would have. Any other soldier would have helped you too when the pilot stabbed you and-“

“I wasn’t talking about that”, the younger boy interrupted him, biting into his lower lip. William could feel a warmth growing inside him and he pulled Tom’s hands closer, placing them on his chest.

“I was talking about the whole, stupid war. I wanted to survive another day because I knew I would be with you. I knew that if I grabbed my rifle and ran across no man’s land, you’d be there with me, taking care of me as you always did. You were my only motivation, keeping me alive. That I would see your stupidly gorgeous face again and feel your slightly chapped lips on mine-“ Without another thought, Will pressed his lips on Tom’s, cupping his face carefully. Tom let out a surprised, little moan, but rapidly kissed Schofield back, wrapping his arms around his neck.

And it felt better than Schofield had remembered. Tom’s plump lips were softer than feathers and as he licked into Tom’s mouth, he could taste all of Tom. Tom tasted like cherry blossoms, a warm, summer night by the ocean and just simply like love.

Without thinking, William slowly sat down on the cold, wet grass, pulling Tom onto his lap and deepened the kiss. Tom immediately wrapped his legs around Will’s waist, moaning into the kiss. Good to know that Tom still is that vocal, Will thought, delicately separating his lips from Tom’s and pressing warm, open mouthed kisses on his jaw.

“Scho”, Tom whimpered gently, taking off Will’s hat and burying his fingers into his blonde hair. Will moved further down, sucking lightly the sensitive skin of Tom’s neck. Tom let out another, delicate moan and pulled slightly at Will’s hair, making him feel ecstatic.

This was the only thing Will wanted to feel for the rest of his life. How had he survived the last year without Tom in his arms, the boy pleating him to kiss him, making the most beautiful sounds in the world?

“Wait, Scho”, Tom said out of nowhere, taking Will’s hand in his and breathing deeply. His eyes were still closed and Will looked at Tom shamelessly. His cheeks were flushed from the cold breeze, his lips swollen from the kisses, and the tip of his nose was a little bit shiny.

Forget Aspasia, Nefertiti, and Phryne, Tom was the most gorgeous person to ever grace this world. Will was sure of that.

“We shouldn’t do this”, Tom spoke softly and Will closed his eyes, pressing his forehead against Tom’s.

“I know”, he answered melancholically, breathing in Tom. Of course, Tom was right. They shouldn’t be doing this and Will had promised himself to resist the gorgeous boy. But it was impossible when every fiber of Will’s being was completely, utterly in love with Blake.

“You’re married”, Tom added with bitterness in his voice, pointing to Will’s hand and noticing the ring was missing.

“And just because you aren’t wearing your ring, doesn’t mean it isn’t true”, he said with a sad smile.

“I know”, William repeated himself, looking down to their hand; intertwined, as they were meant to be.

“But-“

“There is no but, Will”, Tom interrupted him, but Will shook his head, tightening his grip around Tom’s soft hand.

“But what if we run away? We could go to Spain or America!”, he said excitedly, giving Tom a huge grin.

“Even better; Australia! You always wanted to go there! We could buy a little house close to the beach and I could cook for you every day and wake up with you in my arms- and maybe we could adopt a kangaroo!”, he laughed, pressing a kiss on the tip of Blake’s nose. Tom just stared at him with a sad expression and Will cupped his face again, looking at him with all the sincerity in the world.

“I love you, Tom. And I know I shouldn’t and I hope you don’t love me, but there is nothing I can do about it. You are my reason to breathe, smile, live, my only reason to believe in any good in this world. What’s the point of living if I’m not with you? I don’t want it!”, the last words sounded nearly hysterical and Will sobbed loudly, pressing a kiss on Tom’s lips.

“I don’t want it”, he kept on repeating and all of a sudden, Will was crying, falling apart in Tom’s arms. How could the world be this cruel? Why would God let him feel all this love if it wasn’t accepted?

“I don’t want a life without you!”, Will screamed and Tom hugged him tightly, pressing kisses on the crown of his head.

“Scho, it’s okay”, Tom whispered helplessly, kissing away the tears rolling down Will’s cheeks.

“No, it’s really not”, Will replied and swallowed loudly, feeling Tom’s fingers delicately brushing his cheeks.

“I know.” It was now Tom’s turn to say those simple words and Will let out a convulsive gasp, placing his chin on Tom’s shoulder and closing his eyes.

It would never be okay.


	4. Chapter 4

Schofield was sitting on the edge of Tom’s bed, staring out of the window. Small, little snowflakes were falling from the sky, paining the Blake’s garden white. William had loved snow as a child, there was something so calming about it.

During the war, William started to hate the snow. It was cold and as soon as it melted, the trenches were even muddier than before. But Tom Blake never stopped loving the snow. The moment the first snowflakes started to fall, Tom’s eyes lit up like the day before Christmas and he would grab Will’s hand, forcing him to stand up.

“Come on! Let’s make a snowman”, Tom used to yell and his enthusiasm was so infectious that Will couldn’t help but laugh and join him. They’d build a rather shabby looking snowman together (missing the infamous carrot nose) and a couple of days later, the snow melted as expected. William still hated the muddiness, but Tom’s sweet, little giggles as he told the other soldiers about their snowman made it all okay.

“Hey, Scho…”, a soft voice asked, bringing William’s conscious back into Tom’s room. Will slowly looked up, giving Tom as tired smile as Tom sat down next to him, leaning his head on Will’s shoulder.

“We’re about to have supper”, Tom whispered, sitting up straight and looking deeply into Will’s eyes, his eyes as blue and pure as ever.

“If you don’t want to join, I can tell them you aren’t feeling well”, he added and Will shrugged, looking at his hands.

_What are you talking about? Why wouldn’t I want to join? Just because I can’t spend the rest of my life with you and cried about it for a good hour doesn’t mean I’m not hungry anymore._

“I’m fine, but thank you”, Will replied softly, not raising his gaze from his hands. He wasn’t fine at all, but there wasn’t much he could do about it anyway. Slowly, Tom laid his hand on Will’s, giving it a light squeeze.

“That’s good, Joe is excited to see you”, he answered and tried to lift his hand, but Will was holding it tightly. He should be ready to let him go, but he couldn’t.

“Scho…”, Blake whispered again and Schofield fell back on the bed, pulling Blake into his arms. Tom showed no resistance, laying his arm lazily over Will’s waist, staring into his eyes.

He looked so beautiful, so young and Will slowly touched Tom’s cheeks, feeling his softness. Tom closed his eyes, letting Will pull him closer and press a delicate kiss on his forehead.

“Scho”, he repeated, meant as a warning but it sounded like an invite. Tom’s hand slowly moved to Will’s head, playing with his hair. Will’s breathing hitched and he slowly brushed his fingers over Tom’s full lip.

“We just discussed this, we can’t do this”, Blake said, his eyes hazy and pupils dilated, once again telling such a different story than his words. Schofield swallowed loudly, his finger still tracing Tom’s lips.

“I know”, he replied, tentatively pushing his finger into the wetness of Tom’s mouth. Tom let out a surprised moan, his eyes wide, but sucked at Will’s finger nevertheless. Will’s eyes rolled back and he stared at Tom, completely mesmerized. The way his cheeks hollowed as he sucked on his finger made Will think about things he definitely shouldn’t.

Slowly, Will added a second finger, groaning as Tom sucked on it, coating it with spit. Tom fluttered his lashes at Will’s response, looking at him with faux innocence. _That little shit-_

“Tom! It’s time for supper!”, Tom’s mom yelled, causing Will to quickly jerk his hand away from Tom's mouth, his eyes wide in horror. The door to Tom’s room was wide open, but it seemed like Margaret had thankfully stayed in the kitchen.

“Oh my god”, Tom said under his breath, quickly getting up, brushing his fingers through his hair.

“We’ll talk about this after dinner”, Tom stammered and practically ran out of the room. Will sighed loudly, following Tom with some distance. This would be an awkward dinner.

***

Joseph Blake was as kind as William remembered and this time he was not alone, but with his very pregnant wife, Emma. The first minutes were a bit awkward - the last time he saw Joe he told him his brother was dead - but Joseph quickly made a couple jokes about it, stating how happy he was that Will was mistaken.

“Tom told me you already have children”, Joe stated as he scooped mashed potatoes onto Schofield’s plate.

“Yes, two girls. They are the best thing to happen to me “, Will replied with a wide smile.

“Two girls? That must be a dream in comparison to two rowdy boys like I had”, Margaret joked in response and Will laughed.

“Yes, they are two little angels; they study a lot for school”, Will replied, Margaret slowly shaking her head.

“Well let’s hope that this one”, Emma pointed to her belly, “is a well-behaved one too”, she laughed and Joseph agreed wholeheartedly, making Will chuckle. 

“So, Tom is the only one without kids”, Joseph stated and Tom rolled his eyes, playing with his spoon.

“You don’t have a child just yet either”, he replied and Joe rolled his eyes, looking at Emma.

“Well, at least I’m married. You don’t even have a bird”, he chuckled and Will looked down on his plate, a bit uncomfortable.

“Well, I had other things to worry about, like the fact that I got stabbed?”, Tom quickly bit back and Margaret forced herself to smile and patted Tom’s hand lightly.

“It’s okay, angel, but it might be time to find a girl for you. Have you talked to Meagan lately? She seems like a fine girl”, Margaret responded and Will was still awkwardly staring at his plate, feeling jealousy flame up in him. Tom did not need a girl, he had him.

“She talks too much”, Tom replied, his brows furrowed. He didn’t seem to be enjoying the conversation either.

“Says who”, Joe joked, but Tom didn’t reply, just shoveling more food into his mouth.

“You’ll find the right one soon”, Emma decided to pitch in, giving Tom a tender smile.

“A handsome man like you won’t stay single forever”, she added and Joe pressed a kiss on her cheek, nodding in agreement.

“She’s right”, Margaret added and Tom let out a dramatic sigh, changing the topic of conversation skillfully to the renovation of Joe and Emma’s house - much to Will’s content.

The rest of the dinner was rather entertaining and William enjoyed the time with the Blake’s, only remembering as Joe hugged him goodbye about the upcoming conversation with Tom.

“I’ll see you soon”, Joe replied with a big smile, opening the door for Emma as they left the house. Tom and Will helped Margaret clean up the kitchen and Will tried his hardest to be as slow as possible - he had no clue what he would say to Tom later. And he was sure that the conversation about Tom’s future wife probably wouldn’t help.

“Thank you, boys. Now go have fun!”, Margaret said as Will slowly handed her the last dried plate, nodding lightly.

“Thank you”, he replied with a kind smile, following Tom out of the kitchen. He seemed to be following around Tom a lot lately and Will found it rather fitting to their whole situation.

When Will finally entered Tom’s room, closing the door behind him, Tom was already sitting crosslegged on the bed, a little frown between his brows.

“They’re right, you know? It’s about damn time that I get married”, Tom said as Will sat down next to him, leaning his head against the wall.

“You don’t need to get married if you don’t want to”, Will replied calmly, earning a bitter laugh from the younger boy.

“You know it’s not that simple”, he replied, scooting closer to Will. His expression was soft, but there was something sad about it and Will desperately wanted to kiss it away.

“I got married”, Will started, looking deeply into Tom’s eyes, “and sometimes I wish I hadn’t.” 

Tom let out a loud breath, shaking his head. Will knew it was wrong to say that; he had loved Rose and she was everything he could ask for. But she wasn’t Tom. And Will loved Tom, ineffably - so deeply that he knew he would never stop - he would only stop loving Tom the day he’d stop breathing.

“Will”, Blake said, scooting closer to him, putting his finger under Will’s chin to force him to look at him.

“I think you need to leave.”

“W-what?”, Schofield stuttered, trying to find the hint of a smile on his gorgeous face to indicate he meant it as a joke. But there was no smile, just tears filling his eyes.

“You don’t mean that”, Will said a little louder, putting his hands on Tom’s waist and pulling him onto his lap.

“I want to spend every minute of my life with you. And being close to you makes me crazy, I mean look at you!”, Tom spoke, his hands cupping Will’s face gently. Will raised his eyebrows, confused, as Tom leaned closer, peppering little kisses on his jaw.  
“I can’t get enough of you and I need you on my side- but we are hurting people and it is also hurting me”, he added, biting into his plump lips.

“Every moment I spend with you I am reminded that I can’t have you and I can’t do it anymore”, Tom said, leaning his forehead against Will. Will tilted his head to press a small kiss on Tom’s lips, trying to find an argument to fight Tom. But as always, Tom was right. They had no future and Will was stopping Tom from building a life without him.

It was different for William. He was already married, already had kids - his whole life was planned out.

“I don’t know if I’ll be able to live without you”; Schofield chocked, feeling Tom caressing his neck tenderly.

“You managed it before-“

“Yeah, because I thought you were dead”, William grumbled and Tom sighed, a sorry expression on his face.

“It’s the right thing, you know it”, he spoke and William closed his eyes. He couldn’t believe that Tom was being the sane one. In the war, Will had always been the voice of reason and now, Tom had to remind him about his family and, most importantly, his wife. Rose deserved so much better and Will decided that he would talk to her once he got back home. It was the right thing to do.

“Yeah, I know”, he whispered, wrapping his arms around Tom and gently holding him in his arms. He breathed in deeply, smelling Tom’s oh so familiar musk and trying to remember it for eternity in case this was the last time he could hold the beautiful boy in his arms.

“But maybe we can forget about this for one night?”, Tom whispered after a moment, sitting up straight on Will’s laps. 

“You can’t leave tonight anyways and… I need you to show me you love me one last time”, Tom said, his voice small. A smile spread across Will’s lips and he pulled Tom closer, kissing him deeply on the lips.

“I think that’s a great idea.”


	5. Chapter 5

Spring. Will‘s life was simple. He had finally gotten into a routine. A routine that allowed Will to be as busy as possible, never having time to think about Tom. 

Will woke up at seven-thirty, every morning - not a minute later or earlier. He then slipped into his shoes, finding his way to the kitchen to prepare some tea for his wife and breakfast for the girls. The girls woke up at eight and from this point on, Will‘s day always turned hectic. He got them into their dresses, braided their hair (Rose taught him), and walked them to school. Back home, Will would clean up their mess and change into his work clothes, running to the pharmacy downtown. Will didn’t have the right degree to work there, but due to the Spanish flu and Rose‘s connections, Will still managed to get a position; working behind the counter. It was always busy in the pharmacy, just like every other moment in Will‘s day and he adored it.

Schofield nearly liked to call his work numbing. The time passed without him noticing, pushing remedies over the counter, giving people kind smiles. Numbing. Hearing people talk about their problems that seemed so much worse than his seemed to help him. Numbing. Cleaning up and arranging all the medicines for tomorrow. 

Life was easy when one had no time to think.

April 6th was a day like no other, following the pattern Will had followed for months now. Louise threw a little tantrum in the morning - she didn’t want to eat her breakfast - but nothing out of the ordinary. If anything, it allowed Will to think even less, focusing merely on the well being of his daughter. Once Louise and Anna were safely brought to school, Will quickly got ready for work, pressing a little kiss on his wife‘s cheek on the way out. 

„Get home safe”, she said to him as she did every day, a soft smile on her lips and Will nodded with the same soft expression on his face, quickly walking through the crowded streets of outer London. 

The pharmacy wasn’t as crowded as usual. So much so that John, the pharmacist, granted William to go home early and enjoy a free afternoon with his family. Will gratefully took the kind offer, taking the long way home through the prairies. He decided to sit down under a large tree for a moment, a couple of hundred yards from his home. He was exhausted and no one was expecting him at home anyways.

Will didn’t look at the tree in any detail, just sat down below it and leaned himself against it, closing his eyes. It was calm and warm and somehow reminded Will of the most peaceful times in his life. Will let out a content sigh, feeling a warm breeze around him. Maybe he could take a little nap here — Will stopped mid-thought as he felt something fall on him. Slowly, Schofield opened his eyes and raised his hand, touching the crown of his head. A little smile formed on Will’s lips, some leaves must have fallen on him. Carefully, Will brushed them away, ready to doze off but stopped in his movement, noticing that the leaves in his hair weren’t of a deep green but a white color. Will froze.

Cherry blossoms.

Tom.

Schofield quickly got up, frantically pushing the blossoms and Tom away. He couldn’t let himself think about him, he couldn’t let him get back into his head, he couldn’t — but mother nature seemed to have other plans, a stronger breeze rushing over the hill; delicate, white petals falling from the sky.

_This time of the year it looks like it’s been snowing, blossom everywhere._

Will ran away from the prairie, his eyes prickling with tears. He had done so good - he hadn’t seen Tom or even written to him since that weekend back in winter. He had tried to be a good husband and father but — it was hopeless. Tom was always here, on his mind and the love for Tom hadn’t left either. If anything, Schofield thought his feeling had even intensified as he leaned himself against a brick wall, sliding down and covering his face with his hands. 

People were giving him funny looks, but Will didn’t care. He loved Tom and that was all he cared about. No one should be living a lie. Will started to cry harder, he didn’t want to feel this way, he wanted to be happy with Rose and their two adorable daughters but Tom. Tom and his sparkling blue eyes and smile so bright it could end wars. His soft giggles that sounded as alluring as mermaids singing. 

There was no way out of this love. Will should have known it. 

“Will?” Schofield opens his eyes, looking up into the worried eyes of his wife. How did she find him? Maybe a neighbor told her they saw him outside crying. Will nodded slowly, taking his wife’s hand and standing up on his wobbly feet, looking at Rose for a long moment. She was perfect; everything a man could want from a woman. Why did Schofield have to be different?

“I’m sorry”, William replied quietly, a lone tear rolling down his cheeks as he followed Rose to their mansion. Rose quickly opened the door, escorting Will to their bedroom. He immediately found his way to the bed, sitting down on the edge and waiting for Rose to come back. A moment later, she entered the room, a cup of tea in her hands. 

“What are you sorry about, Will?”, she asked softly, handing him the tea. Will shrugged in response, looking at the cup intensively. What could Will reply to such question? He was sorry about everything — his actions in the war, the way he neglected his family and - and the way he was in love with Tom and not with her. 

“Everything”, Will replied, his voice empty. Everything was not enough. 

Rose crutched down in front of him, looking at him with a frown on her gentle face. 

“Will... please tell me. I can help, I promise you”, she spoke softly, making Will’s eyes prickle with tears again. He didn’t deserve her and her unconditional kindness. He never did, not even before the war. And Will realized in this moment, that Rose deserved the truth. She deserved better than Will’s charade and empty words. It would hurt her, Schofield knew that, but he knew Rose. Rose was strong and Will knew she wanted the truth rather than continuing to live a lie. 

“I-“, Will started and Rose sat down next to him, taking his hands in hers and nodded in an encouraging manner. 

“I - I met someone in the war, a soldier. He, I-“, Will stopped mid-sentence, suddenly feeling disgusting and self-conscious. He shouldn’t feel this way and he should definitely not tell his wife about his lover-

“You fell in love with him”, Rose suddenly replied, making Will open his eyes wide. 

“What?”, Will breathed out, looking down at their intertwined hands and back up to Rose’s face. A sad smile was on her lips as she brushed her thumbs over Will’s palms. 

“I know, Will. I knew you had given your heart to someone else during the war the moment I saw you at the train station. I just... I just expected it to be a French girl, not a soldier”, she explained slowly and Will closed his eyes, letting out a sob. 

“I’m sorry.” Rose immediately wrapped her arms around Will’s waist, pulling him close. He let himself sink into the familiar touch, closing his eyes, breathing in her scent. 

“It’s okay, Will. The war changes people and I thought we could fix this, but... it’s alright if we can’t. The war took away so much from you and who would I be to take away the little happiness you found? I just hope you understand that I think we should separate because I deserve to be loved”, Rose replied and Will sobbed even louder, pressing his nose into her neck. 

“You do deserve better. Much better and I am so sorry for causing so much pain, I have been a terrible father and husband and-“

“You are a wonderful father, Will. We will work this out, I promise you“, Rose tried to calm him down, slowly patting Will‘s back. Will melted into the touch, feeling terrible. Here he was, telling his _wife_ about his _lover_ and she was the one consoling him. 

„Rose“, Will suddenly said slowly, looking up to her. She smiled sadly, brushing away the tear stains under his eyes. 

„I wish it could be different. I tried to forget him and be good for you and the girls but I’m terrible and a monster and- and I should have told you earlier“, he said quickly, his words barely audible. But Rose seemed to understand, taking the mug out of Will‘s sweaty hands and placing it onto the wooden nightstand. 

“You are not a monster, Will. Now let’s bring the girls to bed. Can you tell me more about that soldier later?”, she replied with a cheeky smile. She looked sad but not as devastated as Will had expected. It must have been written all over his face. He knew, that there would be ups and a lot of downs from here on, but Schofield was happy he told her. It was better for the both of them. Rose deserved real love just as Will did. He rubbed his eyes, his cheeks tinted pink as he followed Rose down to the kids’ bedrooms.

“Absolutely.”

***

The apartment felt empty. It was empty. Schofield slowly walked through the living room, quietly opening the door to the girls’ room. The two beds were empty, just as the rest of the rooms were. Rose had helped William choose the furniture for the apartment but there were still a couple of boxes of Will’s personal belongings on the floor of the living room, waiting to be sorted. 

Will’s gaze fell on the boxes and he couldn’t help but chuckle to himself, staring at the dozen books and a couple of souvenirs, looking nearly lonely in the box. He was nearly 25 and all his life fitted perfectly into three cardboard boxes. What did this say about him?

So yes, the place was empty. No coffeemaker, no piano, no fancy paintings hanging on the wall. But Will didn’t care, there was only one crucial thing missing to his apartment. 

Well, not a thing. More of a person, a human being. The reason Will was still breathing. The reason Will made it home from the war. 

And Will would do anything to get him here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm back with an update two months later lol 
> 
> hope you enjoyed it! I have decided to finish this story :)
> 
> And rose is supportive because we believe in good people in this house hehe

**Author's Note:**

> comment and kudos are deeply appreciated <3


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